Yesterday something amazing happened. I ran into someone I have known since I was about 17. I had taught her to be a lifeguard, we worked at a pool for a while, and when I was done being the boss she became the boss. She and I kept in touch for a while in college, but that fell away. But I saw her and felt an overwhelming joy. We get our haircut at the same place.
I have got to the point in my life where I would bet people thing of me as the nonverbal crazy old guy who just stays to himself and is working on a conspiracy theory.
I am not actually that. But, I do avoid speaking these days. But, when I saw Kelly I just lit up and immediately ran to her like a kindergartener. I gave her my number and asked her to call me. And I want to hear everything.
This brought me to this idea of this book, as I remember it.
I do not really remember the book, but it happens that I attribute this book as the idea that there is an inner circle of friends and there is an inner inner circle. The people you went through it with. What ever your it is.
For me that is everyone I lifeguarded with, or taught to be a lifeguard. I think when you have a job in which your saving lives together, that marks you.
I have lifeguarded everywhere from the little kids instruction pool at the Y, to the open ocean. I have done this with some amazing people, and I think if I spent some time with it, I bet I can name everyone I shared a chair with.
And then there are these people.
The people who I gave up everything to be with. To see the show, to build the show to tear down the show. To wear laminates with, to not do laundry for months at a time learning that all you really need to watch is your underwear. The people who were there for it all, for all those years. We got divorced, married, arrested, jailed, whatever. And we did it all within a submarine on a rocket ride to rock and roll. I absolutely know everyones name. EVERYONES.
And my life is profoundly different from the time in the swimsuit, and hte time in the cargo shorts. I am a massively different human, and lots and lots of time has passed. But, when I saw Kelly, I knew her instantly, and I knew she knew me. I felt a direct connection to her that I do not feel in 99.9 percent of the rest of the living people on Earth.
You read tales of soldiers, or river rafting guides or whatever, small tribes of people in the act of exertion for something. War, joy, survival, and it marks you. You share a mark with those others. I share that mark with Kelly, and would welcome her into my life in a way I will not welcome anyone now.
It is a joyous thing to feel connected to something in the world. Especially when almost all the other connection has fallen away.