An Active Change/Prep for Transition

I think I am changing

Obviously we all want to use the election as a catalyst for something. Anything really. It is almost click baity, but I am doing it as well. I have come to a point in which some things are not working, I have experienced some set backs. I do not particularly think they are large set backs, but they require acknowledgement. You combine that with the change of season, the darker days, and I think we should change.

The other side of this is a strange desire to leave a part of my professional life behind. This is a strange thing, because part of me absolutely love WHAT I DO. It is an important distinction, what I do is something I love. Where I do, and in what large context it is exists, is often not something I dig. I know this because aside from NDA stuff, you have no idea what I do. Which is by design, because I think the never ending discussion about part of my professional life is horrible. Not because the discussion is horrible, but people do not seem to understand or want to acknowledge that not everything is everything else. I exist in a professional segment, and am not engaged in what comes before me.

WHat I do is important. But, what happens before it gets to me, that is not me.

I am thinking about finding a way to change the work. Maybe not do the work anymore. I feel responsible for things, and maybe I am but more than likely my ego wants me to be.

So, we start the change. We start to build a foundation around the change, so that if we want to move we can.

We start with the simple things. Cleaning my home. Fuck do I hate the chaos that my home devolves into sometimes. To the point where I get mad at myself for leaving cupboard doors open. I mean, the doors do not matter right? But, eventually I hit my head on a corner and I am screaming at the kitchen, because I left the fucking doors open. And the doors are everything. For 100 years, I have not had a garbage can next to my work desk. So, in time I get a pile of paper from mail, or whatever. And in time I have to stop what I am doing, and clean it. And it kills me. If I just cleaned or processed this stuff better, it would be easier. I think sometimes, Dino you are a writer, a thinker, some creative dude, a mess is a superficial thing to be concerned with. But, the pile of paper is just chaos. And chaos exhausts. Like the cupboard doors.

I have missed yoga class a lot. A LOT in the last 4 months. I think the deal is that I should not miss yoga class. But, SHOULD is a terrible word and idea. The fact is, I love yoga class, I love what yoga does for me, I should not need to pressure me to go to yoga. And I should not punish myself for not going.

I am dehydrated.

I did not renew with my trainer. His ideas were just not appropriate for a 53 year old. Now I worry I will stop lifting.

I have been eating way too much chili.

We are all in the same boat. A profound bit of uncertainty in the immediate future. We should drink more tea, and exercise daily, and slow dance with our partner, and do not listen to any Danzig records after the first 4.

I am entering my mid life crisis I think. I might end up working at a gas station, and not talking to anyone. I mean, I already do not talk to anyone, but working at a gas station might work out.